What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
08.06.2025 14:41
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
As a teacher, what's the most inappropriate experience you've had with a student?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Shouldn’t there be a short porn platform like TikTok?
So, i spoilt her more .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
She loved him until the end.
New Report Details Knicks’ Jalen Brunson Concern Before Firing Tom Thibodeau - Sports Illustrated
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
What thing happened to you as a child that you haven’t let go of to this day?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Royals Promote Jac Caglianone - MLB Trade Rumors
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
But it wasn’t much.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Would this be the day?
Are LGBT people accepted in Japan?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Wicked: For Good trailer transports fans back to Oz - BBC
My family never makes their pension either.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
How to watch the 2025 Tony Awards on Sunday - NPR
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Do narcissists love their children?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Dejected Joshua Kimmich reacts to Germany’s Nations League defeat - Bavarian Football Works
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I don,t even have a pension.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
One cannot live in the past .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Why did i forgive my father ?
We were not on the streets..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Who then, do I blame.?
My life is so biszare .
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Where the ultimate outsiders.
All the time i was locked up.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
As i do to all so called friends.?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Put me off passion for life!!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I could never make a relationship work though!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I never cut or harmed myself..
What did i know ?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I was very sick at this time too.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
And i lived it daily.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Comes on , in middle age.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But ive been too sick for many years..
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
He knew the spot.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I was scared of men, in general
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I will be 64.
She was in good health!
It was going to be , some day.
I said to her
He was dying to do it , i knew.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
We all went to grammer schools
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But, we were locked up after school.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
When she asked me how she looked .
I couldn’t, believe it.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I was 9 years of age.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
She found it foreign!.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Ive learnt so much.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I have no regrets .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I think the readers, may guess!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
(And it was in our own minds.)
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Especially a lifetime of it.
I write beautiful poetry .
I was seconnd youngest,
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
She married twice! .
She wouldn,t have been !
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Im still living with it.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
This is soul school!.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
So whats the point in blame.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I waited trembling.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..